Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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