it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
