the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
