I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
