He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
