Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
