saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
