my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
