he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
