I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cockslap morals
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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