it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
