Can Purell be used as lube?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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