I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
