New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
