I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
