Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
