i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
