somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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