1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
