So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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