At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
