I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
