I wannas sexs uuuuu
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
