ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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