12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
