If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
