Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
