loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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