God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Farmville is her only friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
