Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
