How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
