he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize