Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
