I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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