i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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