so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
