i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
