where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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