my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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