***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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