theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
