this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
