I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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