it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
