I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
