I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
