Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
50% drunk capacity currently
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
