I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
