You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
