Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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