All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
