so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
