sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
