we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize