You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
