On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
