just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
