why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
