is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
