Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
