My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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