6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
