there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize