Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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