i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
