We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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