I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
