I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it because I queefed?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
