She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
