i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
