Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there's paper in my vomit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
