umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize