I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
