I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
