hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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