Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
