i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
