The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
