I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
