I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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