I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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