i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
