I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
