Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
